Coming Attractions - March 7, 2022

We began the countdown back to the beach as soon as we got home. We document it on the blackboard in the kitchen. Today it says, “29 Weeks to the Beach.” Every Sunday we ask Alexa, “How many weeks until October first?” We get all excited when we hear the updated answer. We were downright giddy when we came out of the “thirties” and into the “twenties.” I know, it doesn’t take much! This past Sunday, I took out the eraser and the chalk and changed the number from 30 to 29. I like looking at the number. Now I can’t wait until it changes to 19.

It's imperative for me to have a goal or dream to look forward to. Tracking it visibly is a way I can watch the progress. There’s something so satisfying about changing that number, like crossing off days on the calendar or drawing a line through a completed item on your “to do” list. I feel that much closer to the goal. I’m making progress and there’s the anticipation of counting on it to happen.

I am already imagining the beach walks I will take, the conch shells I will find and the hours I’ll spend staring at the horizon. When those doubtful thoughts appear that say, “Who are you kidding? You’ll never make it back there again,” I summon the strength to reverse them and remind myself I did it once and I can do it again. Sometimes I struggle with how much I should accept my limitations and stop expecting I can do the bigger things I really want to do. And then I remember a great phrase, “Do not “should yourself.” “Should – ing” is a nasty boss I want no part of. Imagination is good for the soul and in my imaginings I’m already there. On the sand, staring at the sea.

“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life’s coming attractions.” -Albert Einstein

I have bigger dreams than getting back to the beach for a few months, like having my own beach house. This dream has been with me since I was in pig tails and Mary Janes. All my dreams are scary, but this is the mother of the scary dreams. Why? It takes me out of that safe place of “Just stay where you are, hope your situation doesn’t get any worse* and make it through one day at a time.” Ugh. It’s a depressing place, but a safe one. Unfortunately, I’ve never been one to settle in the safe place.

“If your dreams don’t scare you, they are too small.” Richard Branson

There is always that danger that dreams won’t come true. The healing won’t come. The beach house will never happen. I won’t make it back for the trip we have booked. I guess I’d rather dream and lose than never dream at all. I choose to keep my eye on the “Coming Attractions” and trust that I’ll see them down the road.

“The day you give up on your dreams is the day you give up on yourself.” -anon.

*For background on my health condition, (Central Sensitization Syndrome) see previous post on November 12, 2021, titled, "Three Years Ago Today." In addition to CSS, my diagnoses include Fibromyalgia, Hashimotos Thyroiditis, Severe spinal disk degeneration, bilateral hip replacement complications, small fiber neuropathy, Morton's Neuroma, Burning Mouth and Osteoporosis.