The Ping-Pong Ball - January 16, 2025

Last week I was supposed to be on the big silver bird headed to Jacksonville, Florida to my beach house for the winter. Alas, it was not meant to be.  The trip has been cancelled. And that was about as easy as getting straight A’s on my report card.

Did you ever try to make a decision about something but felt like a ping pong ball going back and forth with one decision or the other?  Should I go or not? That’s how I was feeling for several months.  After a not-so-great health year for me, I moved forward with confidence, first packing my tote bags with things needed for a long stay and lined them up in my dining room, sure that I would be going.  I bought my plane ticket.  Each day the ping pong ball would bounce to one side, then the other; go, not go. Nonetheless, I kept taking the next step.

The suitcase came out of the attic and the clothes started piling up on the guest room bed.  I had myself convinced I was going. The other voice in my head said, “Maybe not. Maybe I’m just not well enough.  Maybe I’m just not up to it.”  Back went the ping pong ball. “You can do it.  You’ve done it before.  You will do it again.  The travelling won’t be that bad. You won’t get sicker down there.”  I had cleared my calendar for months, and gosh darn it, I was going!

This was a job for prayer.  And pray I did.  For months I was frustrated as I was still no closer to knowing what to do.  The ping pong ball was still bouncing around amidst my thoughts.  Trying to figure out everything on my own was clearly not helping me hear the answer.  I had this scenario and that scenario rumbling around.  How could I hear God speak when there was so much action going on in my mind?

“You can wait for the Lord.  Be strong and take heart.” -Psalm 27:14

No two ways about it, waiting is hard.  Delay is frustrating.  We can wait it out our way or we can humble ourselves and trust that God knows when we are ready to hear His guidance.  I thought I was doing just that, while I was praying all those months and weeks.  But as I look back now, I didn’t really accept the idea of “not knowing, when I wanted to know.”

In actuality, I didn’t completely surrender until a close friend said to me, “God WILL answer you, but sometimes the answer won’t come until the eleventh hour.”  Huh.  That is not what I wanted to hear.  I did not want to wait until the eleventh hour! I finally and reluctantly realized I needed to let go of that last piece of string tethering me to my selfish will, the one that thinks I can figure everything out on my own.  That day was Dec. 30, 2024. My plane ticket was for January 7, 2025. My husband was set to drive down on January 4th. We were definitely inching toward the eleventh hour.

“Lean on, trust and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight and understanding.  In all your ways, know, recognize and acknowledge Him and He will direct and make your path straight.”  -Proverbs 3:5-6

On Thursday morning, January 2nd, I woke up with a start, out of a deep sleep.  I literally popped up and threw the blanket off.  My first thought was, “Oh no, I have to take the trip to Florida.”  It was then I knew.  I prayed for God to be very clear.  I asked Him to make it very obvious what He wanted, or I might not “get it.”  He spoke loudly and left no doubt. How could it be the right thing to take the trip when I was obviously not feeling good about it, even fearful?

With a mixture of disappointment and relief, I went about cancelling my plans, unpacking the tote bags and putting all the clothes away.  It took several days for me to process.  This would be the first time in four years I would not take the trip.  I’m probably still adjusting, but I know there are reasons why God wants me here in New Hampshire and not in Florida.

Each time a troubling event occurs in my life; I ask God to help me understand the lesson.  And each time, He tells me how much He loves me and wants me to continue to place my trust in Him.  He’s got my back, and He always will.

I don’t know what the next few months will look like, but I can’t wait to see what He has in store for me next. 

 "Don't look back with regret. Look forward with hope." -anonymous