Day One – October 3, 2021

The amazing, unbelievable, “world has stopped turning for a minute” thing has happened. I am here. I took a plane. After three years. And I’m at Ponte Vedra Beach. Fifteen minutes from my son, Billy, in an oceanfront condo! It’s been on my dreaming list for a long, long time and I wasn’t sure it was ever going to happen.

I am pretty darn proud of myself. Since Paul drove the car down, I flew by myself. There was a Mount McKinley of fear to walk through. The thought of packing for three months away and actually living for three months away was almost too overwhelming. Then there were the “What ifs?” What if the bed is too hard and I can’t sleep? What if there isn’t a chair I can sit comfortably in? What if I’m in too much pain to drive, to get on the beach, to function? What if it’s just all too much?

I truly felt called to do this. I sincerely felt God leading me here. I knew, I just knew it was the right thing to do at this point in my life. For a long time I had a feeling of unrest. Not just about my pain but about needing a new vision, a new start, a new thing. I didn’t know what the new thing was, but I felt sure it was here. So I told the “What if” committee in my head to step aside and I began to pack.

I think the month long process of list making, packing and envisioning was both draining and invigorating. I was going to live at the beach for three months! “Wow” and “Oh no” were taking up battle in my brain. Each day I put one foot in front of the other and decided that I was going to let this happen. With God’s help, I would make it.

The plane touched down at Jacksonville Airport at 5:02pm and Paul was there to greet me. Taking a new approach to this life and treating myself better, I booked a first class seat. Boy did that feel good. Just the thought of having a seat by myself and a little more room quieted some of my anxiety. No flight is ever going to be comfortable or relaxing for me but sometimes it doesn’t matter what the getting there looks like, just that you got there. I proved to myself it could be done. A big red check mark on the “I made it” list.

So let’s talk about this place. When I finally walked in the door I will never forget the sight. Ocean. Ocean everywhere. Standing in the kitchen, I could see it straight in front of me, then through the sliding glass doors in the master. And it’s not “way out there;” it’s right in front of me, over a small dune area of green shrubbery and nesting turtles. If you’ve never taken a shower where you’re gazing at the ocean, you’re really missing something. Our white tiled shower has a glass wall where you see through the doorway into the bedroom and out to the deep blue sea. Gives new meaning to wanting to take a long shower.

I’ve been here one whole day and my feet have not touched the ocean yet. Why is this a problem? It’s those nasty things we call expectations. One of the things I’ll be working on letting go of. Many a dreamer has said, “ All I want to do is sit by the ocean all day and fall asleep to the waves at night.” That’s what I’m getting to do. It’s the chance of a lifetime and I’m going to soak it all in, each and every beautiful, messy moment. If I haven’t made it there yet, I will.

Don’t worry about HOW God will work things out. You just focus on getting closer to Him and He will handle the rest. -anonymous