Going Home - December 30, 2021

Sadly, my time here has come to an end. As I sit in JAX airport, I feel partially relieved I’ve now made it through the TSA line. A very nice gentleman let me go straight through when I told him I had foot neuropathy. God taking care of me! The rest of the trip is in God’s hands and I know He’ll give me what I need to get home. Unfortunately, my body is flared from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. No doubt to all the running around I did on the tile floors going from room to room packing. It’s in these times I wonder if it’s all worth it. But the wonderful experiences and memories I’ve created, not to mention the milestones I’ve achieved, remind me that I made the right decision in coming.

I brought a copy of Matthew Kelly’s new book, “Life Is Messy” to read on the plane. He says we all lead imperfect, messy lives but to take heart, we are not doing it wrong. It's all part of the human dilemma. "The mess is here to stay, he says. "It's unavoidable. It's just life. It's what we do with the mess that determines everything." Sometimes I can convince myself my life is so much messier than others, and as I look around the waiting area at the gate, I wonder how many other passengers have to pray and breathe their way through these travelling hours. Especially those hours in flight where we are sandwiched like sardines in a can with little hope of stretching our limbs, and pain a constant companion. I’m pretty sure if I stood up and asked the question out loud, a few hands would shoot in the air. We’re never as alone as we think we are.

“And we all have faith and we all have hope, but we’re all a little lost in the same damn boat.” – Frankie Ballard from “Helluva Life”

I’ve tried to embrace my “mess.” To see the rainbow through the rain. And I have had plenty of rainbows here. How lucky am I to have spent three glorious months living on the beach? Not many are afforded the luxury of waking up to the sea every day and falling asleep to the waves at night. I have been truly blessed. It’s been a literal dream come true for me-one I had as a child when I spent vacations "Down the Shore" (New Jersey speak) and one I never lost sight of in all my adult years. (And that's a lot of years!)

In my heart and soul I know God nurtured this dream and when the time was just right, He opened all the doors and windows needed to make it happen. For before I left, I admit I was in quite a state of unease – mostly about how I was coping with my life. I had a desperate feeling of needing something to change. God heard me, and unequivocally and absolutely met me right where I was. No doubt about that. Despite my fear, my anxiety and all my “what ifs,” He moved the mountain and opened the way. In this messy theatre of life, I want to give Him a standing ovation.

“For the mighty one has done great things for me and holy is His name.” -Luke 1:49

As I boarded the plane and recalled our recent Christmas Eve, I thought of my son playing his guitar, singing lyrics to a song that seemed to encapsulate what had been aching to be released inside me for so long.

“I’m going where the sun keeps shining

through the pouring rain

Going where the weather suits my clothes

Banking off of a northeast wind

Sailing on a summer breeze

Skipping over the ocean

Like a stone.” - Nilsson from “Everybody’s Talking”

With God directing my sails, I’ll be back to do it all again - same time, next year.

In closing, I want to share the inspiring words of Pope Francis:

“The meaning of life is not found by staying on the beach waiting for the wind to bring something new. Salvation lies in the open sea, in setting sail, in the quest, in the pursuit of dreams, real dreams, those we pursue with eyes wide open, those that involve effort, struggles, headwinds, sudden storms. So don’t be paralyzed by fear; dream big! And dream together”

All glory and honor to God for making my dream come true.

P.S. I hope you’ll keep reading as I chronicle what it’s like to be back home.