I'm Back! - October 18, 2022

Welcome back!

That phrase is for me, not you! You have been loyal readers and I have been absent. The Beach House renovation took its toll on me, and I needed rest, a drink and a better perspective.

For those of you wondering what happened, we ended up being in Florida for 5 weeks, arriving home at the end of August. When we left, the bathroom was not finished, the landscaping was not done, the beds were not made, and the artwork was begging to be hung. But the exodus happened, and it happened quickly. Why? We got our first renters for Labor Day weekend.

Money talks, people! We had to go.

After we left, the crew came in and quickly finished everything, just in time for our guests. I bit my nails all weekend long, hoping they were comfortable and liked our new home. We were rewarded with our first 5-star review. Yay! Now we just need a few thousand of those.

Let me explain my absence a bit more. I did not want to leave my new beach house that quickly and at that time. It was five intense weeks. We breathed in dust and debris, we shopped, we returned, we cleaned, we had 17 strangers in our house in one day. We assembled and disassembled. We fell asleep at 8pm every night. I think we went on the beach 3 times. Did I mention we shopped, we returned, and we cleaned? I ran up and down the stairs 357 times.

Before I move on, let me praise the power of God. Who would have thought I could do all this? I couldn’t. Without a doubt, God’s power worked through me. He gave me a gift. He let me fulfill a dream. A dream I believe He brought me to after careful prayer and with much hope. He promises He will never bring us to something that He will not help us through. It was amazing to see Him at work in this way in my life. I believe I received a touch of heaven on earth for just a little while.

Not only were there physical demands, but the emotional demands were ones I never could have imagined. Putting my trust in people I barely knew to spend our money wisely was a very difficult challenge for me. Dealing with financial discrepancies pushed all my hot buttons. Realizing the house was not portrayed as it was (did you know professional photos are photoshopped before posting on realtor web sites??) Facing the fact that way more money would be needed than originally thought, and just plain navigating all the pitfalls of this type of renovation was overwhelming. (More on the foibles of that later!) We questioned more than once if we made a really big mistake. There were disagreements galore and lots of accompanying tears. (I thought this was supposed to be fun, ha!) If someone knocked on our door on any one of those days and offered to buy the house, I would have handed over the keys on the spot.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint.” – Isaiah 40:31

Let me just say I most definitely would have fainted had it not been for the power of Almighty God.

After all the hard work, I couldn’t wait to put the finishing touches on my dream home. I couldn’t wait to put the comforters on the beds and place the colorful pillows in just the right spots. I had planned where I wanted all the beachy pictures to go and could hardly wait to get them up to see how they looked. I wanted to put all the towels in the bathrooms and put all the finishing touches on the home. Perhaps what I was looking forward to most was sleeping in my own bedroom (finally!) and using my own bathroom (finally!). And just enjoying a few days or a week without the entire workforce of Jacksonville in my house.

Alas, it was not to be. Renters equal cash. Cash pays mortgages. It’s that simple.

Another lesson learned. Oh, I had my expectations, as I usually do, of how things should go. Some part of me believed that I deserved smooth sailing after all I have been through over the years. After some decompressing and contemplation, I reminded myself of that age old line – Life is not fair. We all suffer in different ways. We are not guaranteed that our suffering will be healed or that we will be rewarded for it. At least not here on earth.

There are gifts to be found in the struggle, whatever that struggle may be. If it’s a big one or a small one, through it, we are learning to be more like Him. He is refining us in each and every diagnosis, loss, roadblock or brick wall we face. I realized He's teaching me in the small stuff of renovations and negotiations, as well as in the big stuff of physical pain. I’ve received many of these gifts, among them patience, tolerance and humility, yet I only see them when I look back, not while I am in the thick of it.

My struggle has always been and will continue to be, to not focus on the pain and suffering, to not feel I deserve better but to keep my focus on my Lord, for only He shows the way to everlasting life. And I don’t deserve that either, but it is by grace alone that I may be worthy to receive it someday.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast. - Ephesians 2:8-9

*For background on my health condition, (Central Sensitization Syndrome) see previous post on November 12, 2021, titled, "Three Years Ago Today." In addition to CSS, my diagnoses include Fibromyalgia, Hashimotos Thyroiditis, Severe spinal disk degeneration, bilateral hip replacement complications, small fiber neuropathy, Morton's Neuroma, Burning Mouth and Osteoporosis.