November 11, 2022 - Reaching For God

“Let Go and Let God” is a popular phrase. Some may say it is a simple phrase for a complex issue. Sometimes, the simple phrases are the ones we cling to best.

As I sit here in the safety of my New Hampshire home, once again, a hurricane is ravaging my adopted state of Florida, and doing damage to my recently purchased beach house. The coastal highway my home resides on is Route AIA. Right now, it is closed. The power is out, and our rental guests cannot check in. Last July, we had sand up to the highest point of our deck stairs. Now, the entire stairway is open. That’s how much the beach has eroded. We repaired the water damage from Ian, now we wait to see what Nicole has wrought.

Each day brings new things to let go of. I bet you have a list in your head right now of everything you want to release. I know I do. A smart woman I know recently said the following, “Celebrate the things you have already let go of.” Wise advice. Instead of being preoccupied with my “Let Go Of” list, I am reflecting on the progress I’ve already made.

“….To live in this world, you must be able to do three things;

love what is mortal;

to hold it against your bosom, knowing your own life depends on it;

and when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.”

- Mary Oliver

No one ever said letting go is easy. It certainly has never been easy for me. I’m a fixer. I want to make everything right. And the worst part is, I actually think I can. I have come to learn that God has been the reason I have been able to let go of anything at all. I find Him in the struggle. And the struggle doesn’t last as long as it used to. I could spend days, weeks, or even months worrying about the outcome of this hurricane. You could tell me it wouldn’t change anything, but I would still worry. I have literally worried myself sick over my health. * The worry only made me worse. Intellectually, I know this. It has taken awhile for that to sink in. For me to realize I am not on my own here, and I cannot fix or change much.

That’s not to say we cannot change ourselves or situations. We just can’t do it alone. The sooner I realized that, the easier it became to draw near to God. Although I eventually, always, came to that conclusion, now I am getting better at going to God in the beginning, instead of wasting all my energy in a tug of war-pulling on that rope until I finally fall on my backside and surrender. I am not there, yet. But I trust I will be.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” -Proverbs 3:5-6

In trust and confidence, I move forward. Day by day, I release a little more. A little less reaching for the rope and a little more reaching for God.

*For background on my health condition, (Central Sensitization Syndrome) see previous post on November 12, 2021, titled, "Three Years Ago Today." In addition to CSS, my diagnoses include Fibromyalgia, Hashimotos Thyroiditis, Severe spinal disk degeneration, bilateral hip replacement complications, small fiber neuropathy, Morton's Neuroma, Burning Mouth and Osteoporosis.